little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第19章

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the　Circumlocution　Office。　Its　finger　was　in　the　largest　public　pie；
and　in　the　smallest　public　tart。　It　possible　to　do　the
plainest　right　and　to　undo　the　plainest　wrong　without　the　express
authority　of　the　Circumlocution　Office。　If　another　Gunpowder　Plot　had
been　discovered　half　an　hour　before　the　lighting　of　the　match；　nobody
would　have　been　justified　in　saving　the　parliament　until　there　had
been　half　a　score　of　boards；　half　a　bushel　of　minutes；　several　sacks
of　official　memoranda；　and　a　family…vault　full　of　ungrammatical
correspondence；　on　the　part　of　the　Circumlocution　Office。

This　glorious　establishment　had　been　early　in　the　field；　when　the　one
sublime　principle　involving　the　difficult　art　of　governing　a　country；
was　first　distinctly　revealed　to　statesmen。　It　had　been　foremost　to
study　that　bright　revelation　and　to　carry　its　shining　influence　through
the　whole　of　the　official　proceedings。　Whatever　was　required　to　be　done；
the　Circumlocution　Office　was　beforehand　with　all　the　public　departments
in　the　art　of　perceiving……HOW　NOT　TO　DO　IT。

Through　this　delicate　perception；　through　the　tact　with　which　it
invariably　seized　it；　and　through　the　genius　with　which　it　always　acted
on　it；　the　Circumlocution　Office　had　risen　to　overtop　all　the　public
departments；　and　the　public　condition　had　risen　to　be……what　it　was。

It　is　true　that　How　not　to　do　it　was　the　great　study　and　object　of
all　public　departments　and　professional　politicians　all　round　the
Circumlocution　Office。　It　is　true　that　every　new　premier　and　every
new　government；　ing　in　because　they　had　upheld　a　certain　thing　as
necessary　to　be　done；　were　no　sooner　e　in　than　they　applied　their
utmost　faculties　to　discovering　How　not　to　do　it。　It　is　true　that　from
the　moment　when　a　general　election　was　over；　every　returned　man　who　had
been　raving　on　hustings　because　it　hadn't　been　done；　and　who　had　been
asking　the　friends　of　the　honourable　gentleman　in　the　opposite　interest
on　pain　of　impeachment　to　tell　him　why　it　hadn't　been　done；　and　who　had
been　asserting　that　it　must　be　done；　and　who　had　been　pledging　himself
that　it　should　be　done；　began　to　devise；　How　it　was　not　to　be　done。　It
is　true　that　the　debates　of　both　Houses　of　Parliament　the　whole　session
through；　uniformly　tended　to　the　protracted　deliberation；　How　not　to
do　it。　It　is　true　that　the　royal　speech　at　the　opening　of　such　session
virtually　said；　My　lords　and　gentlemen；　you　have　a　considerable
stroke　of　work　to　do；　and　you　will　please　to　retire　to　your　respective
chambers；　and　discuss；　How　not　to　do　it。　It　is　true　that　the　royal
speech；　at　the　close　of　such　session；　virtually　said；　My　lords　and
gentlemen；　you　have　through　several　laborious　months　been　considering
with　great　loyalty　and　patriotism；　How　not　to　do　it；　and　you　have　found
out；　and　with　the　blessing　of　Providence　upon　the　harvest　（natural；　not
political）；　I　now　dismiss　you。　All　this　is　true；　but　the　Circumlocution
Office　went　beyond　it。

Because　the　Circumlocution　Office　went　on　mechanically；　every　day；
keeping　this　wonderful；　all…sufficient　wheel　of　statesmanship；　How　not
to　do　it；　in　motion。　Because　the　Circumlocution　Office　was　down　upon　any
ill…advised　public　servant　who　was　going　to　do　it；　or　who　appeared　to　be
by　any　surprising　accident　in　remote　danger　of　doing　it；　with　a　minute；
and　a　memorandum；　and　a　letter　of　instructions　that　extinguished　him。　It
was　this　spirit　of　national　efficiency　in　the　Circumlocution　Office
that　had　gradually　led　to　its　having　something　to　do　with　everything。
Mechanicians；　natural　philosophers；　soldiers；　sailors；　petitioners；
memorialists；　people　with　grievances；　people　who　wanted　to　prevent
grievances；　people　who　wanted　to　redress　grievances；　jobbing　people；
jobbed　people；　people　who　couldn't　get　rewarded　for　merit；　and　people
who　couldn't　get　punished　for　demerit；　were　all　indiscriminately　tucked
up　under　the　foolscap　paper　of　the　Circumlocution　Office。

Numbers　of　people　were　lost　in　the　Circumlocution　Office。　Unfortunates
with　wrongs；　or　with　projects　for　the　general　welfare　（and　they　had
better　have　had　wrongs　at　first；　than　have　taken　that　bitter　English
recipe　for　certainly　getting　them）；　who　in　slow　lapse　of　time　and　agony
had　passed　safely　through　other　public　departments；　who；　according　to
rule；　had　been　bullied　in　this；　over…reached　by　that；　and　evaded　by
the　other；　got　referred　at　last　to　the　Circumlocution　Office；　and
never　reappeared　in　the　light　of　day。　Boards　sat　upon　them；　secretaries
minuted　upon　them；　missioners　gabbled　about　them；　clerks　registered；
entered；　checked；　and　ticked　them　off；　and　they　melted　away。　In　short；
all　the　business　of　the　country　went　through　the　Circumlocution　Office；
except　the　business　that　never　came　out　of　it；　and　its　name　was　Legion。

Sometimes；　angry　spirits　attacked　the　Circumlocution　Office。　Sometimes；
parliamentary　questions　were　asked　about　it；　and　even　parliamentary
motions　made　or　threatened　about　it　by　demagogues　so　low　and　ignorant　as
to　hold　that　the　real　recipe　of　government　was；　How　to　do　it。　Then　would
the　noble　lord；　or　right　honourable　gentleman；　in　whose　department　it
was　to　defend　the　Circumlocution　Office；　put　an　orange　in　his　pocket；
and　make　a　regular　field…day　of　the　occasion。　Then　would　he　e　down　to
that　house　with　a　slap　upon　the　table；　and　meet　the　honourable　gentleman
foot　to　foot。　Then　would　he　be　there　to　tell　that　honourable　gentleman
that　the　Circumlocution　Office　not　only　was　blameless　in　this　matter；
but　was　mendable　in　this　matter；　was　extollable　to　the　skies　in　this
matter。　Then　would　he　be　there　to　tell　that　honourable　gentleman　that；
although　the　Circumlocution　Office　was　invariably　right　and　wholly
right；　it　never　was　so　right　as　in　this　matter。　Then　would　he　be　there
to　tell　that　honourable　gentleman　that　it　would　have　been　more　to　his
honour；　more　to　his　credit；　more　to　his　good　taste；　more　to　his　good
sense；　more　to　half　the　dictionary　of　monplaces；　if　he　had　left　the
Circumlocution　Office　alone；　and　never　approached　this　matter。　Then
would　he　keep　one　eye　upon　a　coach　or　crammer　from　the　Circumlocution
Office　sitting　below　the　bar；　and　smash　the　honourable　gentleman　with
the　Circumlocution　Office　account　of　this　matter。　And　although　one
of　two　things　always　happened；　namely；　either　that　the　Circumlocution
Office　had　nothing　to　say　and　said　it；　or　that　it　had　something　to　say
of　which　the　noble　lord；　or　right　honourable　gentleman；　blundered　one
half　and　forgot　the　other；　the　Circumlocution　Office　was　always　voted
immaculate　by　an　acmodating　majority。

Such　a　nursery　of　statesmen　had　the　Department　bee　in　virtue　of　a
long　career　of　this　nature；　that　several　solemn　lords　had　attained　the
reputation　of　being　quite　unearthly　prodigies　of　business；　solely　from
having　practised；　How　not　to　do　it；　as　the　head　of　the　Circumlocution
Office。　As　to　the　minor　priests　and　acolytes　of　that　temple；　the　result
of　all　this　was　that　they　stood　divided　into　two　classes；　and；　down　to
the　junior　messenger；　either　believed　in　the　Circumlocution　Office　as
a　heaven…born　institution　that　had　an　absolute　right　to　do　whatever　it
liked；　or　took　refuge　in　total　infidelity；　and　considered　it　a　flagrant
nuisance。

The　Barnacle　family　had　for　some　time　helped　to　administer　the
Circumlocution　Office。　The　Tite　Barnacle　Branch；　indeed；　considered
themselves　in　a　general　way　as　having　vested　rights　in　that　direction；
and　took　it　ill　if　any　other　family　had　much　to　say　to　it。　The　Barnacles
were　a　very　high　family；　and　a　very　large　family。　They　were　dispersed
all　over　the　public　offices；　and　held　all　sorts　of　public　places。　Either
the　nation　was　under　a　load　of　obligation　to　the　Barnacles；　or　the
Barnacles　were　under　a　load　of　obligation　to　the　nation。　It　was　not
quite　unanimously　settled　which；　the　Barnacles　having　their　opinion；　the
nation　theirs。

The　Mr　Tite　Barnacle　who　at　the　period　now　in　question　usually　coached
or　crammed　the　statesman　at　the　head　of　the　Circumlocution　Office；　when
that　noble　or　right　honourable　individual　sat　a　little　uneasily　in　his
saddle　by　reason　of　some　vagabond　making　a　tilt　at　him　in　a　newspaper；
was　more　flush　of　blood　than　money。　As　a　Barnacle　he　had　his　place；
which　was　a　snug　thing　enough；　and　as　a　Barnacle　he　had　of　course　put
in　his　son　Barnacle　Junior　in　the　office。　But　he　had　intermarried　with
a　branch　of　the　Stiltstalkings；　who　were　also　better　endowed　in　a
sanguineous　point　of　view　than　with　real　or　personal　property；　and　of
this　marriage　there　had　been　issue；　Barnacle　junior　and　three　young
ladies。　What　ents　of　Barnacle　junior；　the
three　young　ladies；　Mrs　Tite　Barnacle　nee　Stiltstalking；　and　himself；
Mr　Tite　Barnacle　found　the　intervals　between　quarter　day　and　quarter　day
rather　longer　than　he　could　have　desired；　a　circumstance　which　he　always
attributed　to　the　country's　parsimony。　For　Mr　Tite　Barnacle；　Mr　Arthur
Clennam　made　his　fifth　inquiry　one　day　at　the　Circumlocution　Office；
having　on　previous　occasions　awaited　that　gentleman　successively　in　a
hall；　a　glass　case；　a　waiting　room；　and　a　fire…proof　passage　where　the
Department　seemed　to　keep　its　wind。　On　this　occasion　Mr　Barnacle　was　not
engaged；　as　he　had　been　before；　with　the　noble　prodigy　at　the　head　of
the　Department；　but　was　absent。　Barnacle　Junior；　however；　was　announced
as　a　lesser　star；　yet　visible　above　the　office　horizon。

With　Barnacle　junior；　he　signified　his　desire　to　confer；　and　found　that
young　gentleman　singeing　the　calves　of　his　legs　at　the　parental　fire；
and　supporting　his　spine　against　the　mantel…shelf。　It　was　a　fortable
room；　handsomely　furnished　in　the　higher　official　manner；　an　presenting
stately　suggestions　of　the　absent　Barnacle；　in　the　thick　carpet；　the
leather…covered　desk　to　sit　at；　the　leather…covered　desk　to　stand　at；
the　formidable　easy…chair　and　hearth…rug；　the　interposed　screen；　the
torn…up　papers；　the　dispatch…boxes　with　little　labels　sticking　out　of
them；　like　medicine　bottles　or　dead　game；　the　pervading　smell　of　leather
and　mahogany；　and　a　general　bamboozling　air　of　How　not　to　do　it。

The　present　Barnacle；　holding　Mr　Clennam's　card　in　his　hand；　had　a
youthful　aspect；　and　the　fluffiest　little　whisker；　perhaps；　that　ever
was　seen。　Such　a　downy　tip　was　on　his　callow　chin；　that　he　seemed　half
fledged　like　a　young　bird；　and　a　passionate　observer　might　have　urged
that；　if　he　had　not　singed　the　calves　of　his　legs；　he　would　have　died
of　cold。　He　had　a　superior　eye…glass　dangling　round　his　neck；　but
unfortunately　had　such　flat　orbits　to　his　eyes　and　such　limp　little
eyelids　that　it　wouldn't　stick　in　when　he　put　it　up；　but　kept　tumbling
out　against　his　waistcoat　buttons　with　a　click　that　disposed　him　very
much。

'Oh；　I　say。　Look　here！　My　father's　not　in　the　way；　and　won't　be　in　the
way　to…day；'　said　Barnacle　Junior。　'Is　this　anything　that　I　can　do？'

（Click！　Eye…glass　down。　Barnacle　Junior　quite　frightened　and　feeling　all
round　himself；　but　not　able　to　find　it。）

'You　are　very　good；'　said　Arthur　Clennam。　'I　wish　however　to　see　Mr
Barnacle。'

'But　I　say。　Look　here！　You　haven't　got　any　appointment；　you　know；'　said
Barnacle　Junior。

（By　this　time　he　had　found　the　eye…glass；　and　put　it　up　again。）

'No；'　said　Arthur　Clennam。　'That　is　what　I　wish　to　have。'

'But　I　say。　Look　here！　Is　this　public　business？'　asked　Barnacle　junior。

（Click！　Eye…glass　down　again。　Barnacle　Junior　in　that　state　of　search
after　it　that　Mr　Clennam　felt　it　useless　to　reply　at　present。）

'Is　it；'　said　Barnacle　junior；　taking　heed　of　his　visitor's　brown　face；
'anything　about……Tonnage……or　that　sort　of　thing？'

（Pausing　for　a　reply；　he　opened　his　right　eye　with　his　hand；　and　stuck
his　glass　in　it；　in　that　inflammatory　manner　that　his　eye　began　watering
dreadfully。）

'No；'　said　Arthur；　'it　is　nothing　about　tonnage。'

'Then　look　here。　Is　it　private　business？'

'I　really　am　not　sure。　It　relates　to　a　Mr　Dorrit。'

'Look　here；　I　tell　you　what！　You　had　better　call　at　our　house；　if　you
are　going　that　way。　Twenty…four；　Mews　Street；　Grosvenor　Square。　My
father's　got　a　slight　touch　of　the　gout；　and　is　kept　at　home　by　it。'

（The　misguided　young　Barnacle　evidently　going　blind　on　his　eye…glass
side；　but　ashamed　to　make　any　further　alteration　in　his　painful
arrangements。）

'Thank　you。　I　will　call　there　now。　Good　morning。'　Young　Barnacle　seemed
disfited　at　this；　as　not　having　at　all　expected　him　to　go。

'You　are　quite　sure；'　said　Barnacle　junior；　calling　after　him　when　he
got　to　the　door；　unwilling　wholly　to　relinquish　the　bright　business　idea
he　had　conceived；　'that　it's　nothing　about　Tonnage？'

'Quite　sure。'

With　such　assurance；　and　rather　wondering　what　might　have　taken　place
if　it　HAD　been　anything　about　tonnage；　Mr　Clennam　withdrew　to　pursue　his
inquiries。

Mews　Street；　Grosvenor　Square；　was　not　absolutely　Grosvenor　Square
itself；　but　it　was　very　near　it。　It　was　a　hideous　little　street　of　dead
wall；　stables；　and　dunghills；　with　lofts　over　coach…houses　inhabited　by
coachmen's　families；　who　had　a　passion　for　drying　clothes　and　decorating
their　window…sills　with　miniature　turnpike…gates。　The　principal
chimney…sweep　of　that　fashionable　quarter　lived　at　the　blind　end　of　Mews
Street；　and　the　same　corner　contain