简爱(英文版)-第6章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


“Benefactress！　benefactress！”　said　I　inwardly：　“they　all　call　Mrs。　Reed　my　benefactress；　if　so；　a　benefactress　is　a　disagreeable　thing。”
“Do　you　say　your　prayers　night　and　morning？”　continued　my　interrogator。
“Yes；　sir。”
“Do　you　read　your　Bible？”
“Sometimes。”
“With　pleasure？　Are　you　fond　of　it？”
“I　like　Revelations；　and　the　book　of　Daniel；　and　Genesis　and　Samuel；　and　a　little　bit　of　Exodus；　and　some　parts　of　Kings　and　Chronicles；　and　Job　and　Jonah。”
“And　the　Psalms？　I　hope　you　like　them？”
“No；　sir。”
“No？　oh；　shocking！　I　have　a　little　boy；　younger　than　you；　who　knows　six　Psalms　by　heart：　and　when　you　ask　him　which　he　would　rather　have；　a　gingerbread…nut　to　eat　or　a　verse　of　a　Psalm　to　learn；　he　says：　‘Oh！　the　verse　of　a　Psalm！　angels　sing　Psalms；’　says　he；　‘I　wish　to　be　a　little　angel　here　below；’　he　then　gets　two　nuts　in　repense　for　his　infant　piety。”
“Psalms　are　not　interesting；”　I　remarked。
“That　proves　you　have　a　wicked　heart；　and　you　must　pray　to　God　to　change　it：　to　give　you　a　new　and　clean　one：　to　take　away　your　heart　of　stone　and　give　you　a　heart　of　flesh。”
I　was　about　to　propound　a　question；　touching　the　manner　in　which　that　operation　of　changing　my　heart　was　to　be　performed；　when　Mrs。　Reed　interposed；　telling　me　to　sit　down；　she　then　proceeded　to　carry　on　the　conversation　herself。
“Mr。　Brocklehurst；　I　believe　I　intimated　in　the　letter　which　I　wrote　to　you　three　weeks　ago；　that　this　little　girl　has　not　quite　the　character　and　disposition　I　could　wish：　should　you　admit　her　into　Lowood　school；　I　should　be　glad　if　the　superintendent　and　teachers　were　requested　to　keep　a　strict　eye　on　her；　and；　above　all；　to　guard　against　her　worst　fault；　a　tendency　to　deceit。　I　mention　this　in　your　hearing；　Jane；　that　you　may　not　attempt　to　impose　on　Mr。　Brocklehurst。”
Well　might　I　dread；　well　might　I　dislike　Mrs。　Reed；　for　it　was　her　nature　to　wound　me　cruelly；　never　was　I　happy　in　her　presence；　however　carefully　I　obeyed；　however　strenuously　I　strove　to　please　her；　my　efforts　were　still　repulsed　and　repaid　by　such　sentences　as　the　above。　Now；　uttered　before　a　stranger；　the　accusation　cut　me　to　the　heart；　I　dimly　perceived　that　she　was　already　obliterating　hope　from　the　new　phase　of　existence　which　she　destined　me　to　enter；　I　felt；　though　I　could　not　have　expressed　the　feeling；　that　she　was　sowing　aversion　and　unkindness　along　my　future　path；　I　saw　myself　transformed　under　Mr。　Brocklehurst’s　eye　into　an　artful；　noxious　child；　and　what　could　I　do　to　remedy　the　injury？
“Nothing；　indeed；”　thought　I；　as　I　struggled　to　repress　a　sob；　and　hastily　wiped　away　some　tears；　the　impotent　evidences　of　my　anguish。
“Deceit　is；　indeed；　a　sad　fault　in　a　child；”　said　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　“it　is　akin　to　falsehood；　and　all　liars　will　have　their　portion　in　the　lake　burning　with　fire　and　brimstone；　she　shall；　however；　be　watched；　Mrs。　Reed。　I　will　speak　to　Miss　Temple　and　the　teachers。”
“I　should　wish　her　to　be　brought　up　in　a　manner　suiting　her　prospects；”　continued　my　benefactress；　“to　be　made　useful；　to　be　kept　humble：　as　for　the　vacations；　she　will；　with　your　permission；　spend　them　always　at　Lowood。”
“Your　decisions　are　perfectly　judicious；　madam；”　returned　Mr。　Brocklehurst。　“Humility　is　a　Christian　grace；　and　one　peculiarly　appropriate　to　the　pupils　of　Lowood；　I；　therefore；　direct　that　especial　care　shall　be　bestowed　on　its　cultivation　amongst　them。　I　have　studied　how　best　to　mortify　in　them　the　worldly　sentiment　of　pride；　and；　only　the　other　day；　I　had　a　pleasing　proof　of　my　success。　My　second　daughter；　Augusta；　went　with　her　mama　to　visit　the　school；　and　on　her　return　she　exclaimed：　‘Oh；　dear　papa；　how　quiet　and　plain　all　the　girls　at　Lowood　look；　with　their　hair　bed　behind　their　ears；　and　their　long　pinafores；　and　those　little　holland　pockets　outside　their　frocks—they　are　almost　like　poor　people’s　children！　and；’　said　she；　‘they　looked　at　my　dress　and　mama’s；　as　if　they　had　never　seen　a　silk　gown　before。’”
“This　is　the　state　of　things　I　quite　approve；”　returned　Mrs。　Reed；　“had　I　sought　all　England　over；　I　could　scarcely　have　found　a　system　more　exactly　fitting　a　child　like　Jane　Eyre。　Consistency；　my　dear　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　I　advocate　consistency　in　all　things。”
“Consistency；　madam；　is　the　first　of　Christian　duties；　and　it　has　been　observed　in　every　arrangement　connected　with　the　establishment　of　Lowood：　plain　fare；　simple　attire；　unsophisticated　acmodations；　hardy　and　active　habits；　such　is　the　order　of　the　day　in　the　house　and　its　inhabitants。”
“Quite　right；　sir。　I　may　then　depend　upon　this　child　being　received　as　a　pupil　at　Lowood；　and　there　being　trained　in　conformity　to　her　position　and　prospects？”
“Madam；　you　may：　she　shall　be　placed　in　that　nursery　of　chosen　plants；　and　I　trust　she　will　show　herself　grateful　for　the　inestimable　privilege　of　her　election。”
“I　will　send　her；　then；　as　soon　as　possible；　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　for；　I　assure　you；　I　feel　anxious　to　be　relieved　of　a　responsibility　that　was　being　too　irksome。”
“No　doubt；　no　doubt；　madam；　and　now　I　wish　you　good　morning。　I　shall　return　to　Brocklehurst　Hall　in　the　course　of　a　week　or　two：　my　good　friend；　the　Archdeacon；　will　not　permit　me　to　leave　him　sooner。　I　shall　send　Miss　Temple　notice　that　she　is　to　expect　a　new　girl；　so　that　there　will　he　no　difficulty　about　receiving　her。　Good…bye。”
“Good…bye；　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　remember　me　to　Mrs。　and　Miss　Brocklehurst；　and　to　Augusta　and　Theodore；　and　Master　Broughton　Brocklehurst。”
“I　will；　madam。　Little　girl；　here　is　a　book　entitled　the　Child’s　Guide；　read　it　with　prayer；　especially　that　part　containing　‘An　account　of　the　awfully　sudden　death　of　Martha　G　—；　a　naughty　child　addicted　to　falsehood　and　deceit。’”
With　these　words　Mr。　Brocklehurst　put　into　my　hand　a　thin　pamphlet　sewn　in　a　cover；　and　having　rung　for　his　carriage；　he　departed。
Mrs。　Reed　and　I　were　left　alone：　some　minutes　passed　in　silence；　she　was　sewing；　I　was　watching　her。　Mrs。　Reed　might　be　at　that　time　some　six　or　seven　and　thirty；　she　was　a　woman　of　robust　frame；　square…shouldered　and　strong…limbed；　not　tall；　and；　though　stout；　not　obese：　she　had　a　somewhat　large　face；　the　under　jaw　being　much　developed　and　very　solid；　her　brow　was　low；　her　chin　large　and　prominent；　mouth　and　nose　sufficiently　regular；　under　her　light　eyebrows　glimmered　an　eye　devoid　of　ruth；　her　skin　was　dark　and　opaque；　her　hair　nearly　flaxen；　her　constitution　was　sound　as　a　bell—illness　never　came　near　her；　she　was　an　exact；　clever　manager；　her　household　and　tenantry　were　thoroughly　under　her　control；　her　children　only　at　times　defied　her　authority　and　laughed　it　to　scorn；　she　dressed　well；　and　had　a　presence　and　port　calculated　to　set　off　handsome　attire。
Sitting　on　a　low　stool；　a　few　yards　from　her　arm…chair；　I　examined　her　figure；　I　perused　her　features。　In　my　hand　I　held　the　tract　containing　the　sudden　death　of　the　Liar；　to　which　narrative　my　attention　had　been　pointed　as　to　an　appropriate　warning。　What　had　just　passed；　what　Mrs。　Reed　had　said　concerning　me　to　Mr。　Brocklehurst；　the　whole　tenor　of　their　conversation；　was　recent；　raw；　and　stinging　in　my　mind；　I　had　felt　every　word　as　acutely　as　I　had　heard　it　plainly；　and　a　passion　of　resentment　fomented　now　within　me。
Mrs。　Reed　looked　up　from　her　work；　her　eye　settled　on　mine；　her　fingers　at　the　same　time　suspended　their　nimble　movements。
“Go　out　of　the　room；　return　to　the　nursery；”　was　her　mandate。　My　look　or　something　else　must　have　struck　her　as　offensive；　for　she　spoke　with　extreme　though　suppressed　irritation。　I　got　up；　I　went　to　the　door；　I　came　back　again；　I　walked　to　the　window；　across　the　room；　then　close　up　to　her。
Speak　I　must：　I　had　been　trodden　on　severely；　and　must　turn：　but　how？　What　strength　had　I　to　dart　retaliation　at　my　antagonist？　I　gathered　my　energies　and　launched　them　in　this　blunt　sentence—
“I　am　not　deceitful：　if　I　were；　I　should　say　I　loved　you；　but　I　declare　I　do　not　love　you：　I　dislike　you　the　worst　of　anybody　in　the　world　except　John　Reed；　and　this　book　about　the　liar；　you　may　give　to　your　girl；　Georgiana；　for　it　is　she　who　tells　lies；　and　not　I。”
Mrs。　Reed’s　hands　still　lay　on　her　work　inactive：　her　eye　of　ice　continued　to　dwell　freezingly　on　mine。
“What　more　have　you　to　say？”　she　asked；　rather　in　the　tone　in　which　a　person　might　address　an　opponent　of　adult　age　than　such　as　is　ordinarily　used　to　a　child。
That　eye　of　hers；　that　voice　stirred　every　antipathy　I　had。　Shaking　from　head　to　foot；　thrilled　with　ungovernable　excitement；　I　continued—
“I　am　glad　you　are　no　relation　of　mine：　I　will　never　call　you　aunt　again　as　long　as　I　live。　I　will　never　e　to　see　you　when　I　am　grown　up；　and　if　any　one　asks　me　how　I　liked　you；　and　how　you　treated　me；　I　will　say　the　very　thought　of　you　makes　me　sick；　and　that　you　treated　me　with　miserable　cruelty。”
“How　dare　you　affirm　that；　Jane　Eyre？”
“How　dare　I；　Mrs。　Reed？　How　dare　I？　Because　it　is　the　truth。　You　think　I　have　no　feelings；　and　that　I　can　do　without　one　bit　of　love　or　kindness；　but　I　cannot　live　so：　and　you　have　no　pity。　I　shall　remember　how　you　thrust　me　back—roughly　and　violently　thrust　me　back—into　the　red…room；　and　locked　me　up　there；　to　my　dying　day；　though　I　was　in　agony；　though　I　cried　out；　while　suffocating　with　distress；　‘Have　mercy！　Have　mercy；　Aunt　Reed！’　And　that　punishment　you　made　me　suffer　because　your　wicked　boy　struck　me—knocked　me　down　for　nothing。　I　will　tell　anybody　who　asks　me　questions；　this　exact　tale。　People　think　you　a　good　woman；　but　you　are　bad；　hard…　hearted。　You　are　deceitful！”
Ere　I　had　finished　this　reply；　my　soul　began　to　expand；　to　exult；　with　the　strangest　sense　of　freedom；　of　triumph；　I　ever　felt。　It　seemed　as　if　an　invisible　bond　had　burst；　and　that　I　had　struggled　out　into　unhoped…for　liberty。　Not　without　cause　was　this　sentiment：　Mrs。　Reed　looked　frightened；　her　work　had　slipped　from　her　knee；　she　was　lifting　up　her　hands；　rocking　herself　to　and　fro；　and　even　twisting　her　face　as　if　she　would　cry。
“Jane；　you　are　under　a　mistake：　what　is　the　matter　with　you？　Why　do　you　tremble　so　violently？　Would　you　like　to　drink　some　water？”
“No；　Mrs。　Reed。”
“Is　there　anything　else　you　wish　for；　Jane？　I　assure　you；　I　desire　to　be　your　friend。”
“Not　you。　You　told　Mr。　Brocklehurst　I　had　a　bad　character；　a　deceitful　disposition；　and　I’ll　let　everybody　at　Lowood　know　what　you　are；　and　what　you　have　done。”
“Jane；　you　don’t　understand　these　things：　children　must　be　corrected　for　their　faults。”
“Deceit　is　not　my　fault！”　I　cried　out　in　a　savage；　high　voice。
“But　you　are　passionate；　Jane；　that　you　must　allow：　and　now　return　to　the　nursery—there’s　a　dear—and　lie　down　a　little。”
“I　am　not　your　dear；　I　cannot　lie　down：　send　me　to　school　soon；　Mrs。　Reed；　for　I　hate　to　live　here。”
“I　will　indeed　send　her　to　school　soon；”　murmured　Mrs。　Reed　sotto　voce；　and　gathering　up　her　ent。
I　was　left　there　alone—winner　of　the　field。　It　was　the　hardest　battle　I　had　fought；　and　the　first　victory　I　had　gained：　I　stood　awhile　on　the　rug；　where　Mr。　Brocklehurst　had　stood；　and　I　enjoyed　my　conqueror’s　solitude。　First；　I　smiled　to　myself　and　felt　elate；　but　this　fierce　pleasure　subsided　in　me　as　fast　as　did　the　accelerated　throb　of　my　pulses。　A　child　cannot　quarrel　with　its　elders；　as　I　had　done；　cannot　give　its　furious　feelings　uncontrolled　play；　as　I　had　given　mine；　without　experiencing　afterwards　the　pang　of　remorse　and　the　chill　of　reaction。　A　ridge　of　lighted　heath；　alive；　glancing；　devouring；　would　have　been　a　meet　emblem　of　my　mind　when　I　accused　and　menaced　Mrs。　Reed：　the　same　ridge；　black　and　blasted　after　the　flames　are　dead；　would　have　represented　as　meetly　my　subsequent　condition；　when　half…an…hour’s　silence　and　reflection　had　shown　me　the　madness　of　my　conduct；　and　the　dreariness　of　my　hated　and　hating　position。
Something　of　vengeance　I　had　tasted　for　the　first　time；　as　aromatic　wine　it　seemed；　on　swallowing；　warm　and　racy：　its　after…flavour；　metallic　and　corroding；　gave　me　a　sensation　as　if　I　had　been　poisoned。　Willingly　would　I　now　have　gone　and　asked　Mrs。　Reed’s　pardon；　but　I　knew；　partly　from　experience　and　partly　from　instinct；　that　was　the　way　to　make　her　repulse　me　with　double　scorn；　thereby　re…exciting　every　turbulent　impulse　of　my　nature。
I　would　fain　exercise　some　better　faculty　than　that　of　fierce　speaking；　fain　find　nourishment　for　some　less　fiendish　feeling　than　that　of　sombre　indignation。　I　took　a　book—some　Arabian　tales；　I　sat　down　and　endeavoured　to　read。　I　could　make　no　sense　of　the　subject；　my　own　thoughts　swam　always　between　me　and　the　page　I　had　usually　found　fascinating。　I　opened　the　glass…door　in　the　breakfast…room：　the　shrubbery　was　quite　still：　the　black　frost　reigned；　unbroken　by　sun　or　breeze；　through　the　grounds。　I　covered　my　head　and　arms　with　the　skirt　of　my　frock；　and　went　out　to　walk　in　a　part　of　the　plantation　which　was　quite　sequestrated；　but　I　found　no　pleasure　in　the　silent　trees；　the　falling　fir…cones；　the　congealed　relics　of　autumn；　russet　leaves；　swept　by　past　winds　in　heaps；　and　now　stiffened　together。　I　leaned　against　a　gate；　and　looked　into　an　empty　field　where　no　sheep　were　feeding；　where　the　short　grass　was　nipped　and　blanched。　It　was　a　very　grey　day；　a　most　opaque　sky；　“onding　on　snaw；”　canopied　all；　the