简爱(英文版)-第2章

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“She　is　in　the　window…seat；　to　be　sure；　Jack。”
And　I　came　out　immediately；　for　I　trembled　at　the　idea　of　being　dragged　forth　by　the　said　Jack。
“What　do　you　want？”　I　asked；　with　awkward　diffidence。
“Say；　‘What　do　you　want；　Master　Reed？’”　was　the　answer。　“I　want　you　to　e　here；”　and　seating　himself　in　an　arm…chair；　he　intimated　by　a　gesture　that　I　was　to　approach　and　stand　before　him。
John　Reed　was　a　schoolboy　of　fourteen　years　old；　four　years　older　than　I；　for　I　was　but　ten：　large　and　stout　for　his　age；　with　a　dingy　and　unwholesome　skin；　thick　lineaments　in　a　spacious　visage；　heavy　limbs　and　large　extremities。　He　gorged　himself　habitually　at　table；　which　made　him　bilious；　and　gave　him　a　dim　and　bleared　eye　and　flabby　cheeks。　He　ought　now　to　have　been　at　school；　but　his　mama　had　taken　him　home　for　a　month　or　two；　“on　account　of　his　delicate　health。”　Mr。　Miles；　the　master；　affirmed　that　he　would　do　very　well　if　he　had　fewer　cakes　and　sweetmeats　sent　him　from　home；　but　the　mother’s　heart　turned　from　an　opinion　so　harsh；　and　inclined　rather　to　the　more　refined　idea　that　John’s　sallowness　was　owing　to　over…application　and；　perhaps；　to　pining　after　home。
John　had　not　much　affection　for　his　mother　and　sisters；　and　an　antipathy　to　me。　He　bullied　and　punished　me；　not　two　or　three　times　in　the　week；　nor　once　or　twice　in　the　day；　but　continually：　every　nerve　I　had　feared　him；　and　every　morsel　of　flesh　in　my　bones　shrank　when　he　came　near。　There　were　moments　when　I　was　bewildered　by　the　terror　he　inspired；　because　I　had　no　appeal　whatever　against　either　his　menaces　or　his　inflictions；　the　servants　did　not　like　to　offend　their　young　master　by　taking　my　part　against　him；　and　Mrs。　Reed　was　blind　and　deaf　on　the　subject：　she　never　saw　him　strike　or　heard　him　abuse　me；　though　he　did　both　now　and　then　in　her　very　presence；　more　frequently；　however；　behind　her　back。
Habitually　obedient　to　John；　I　came　up　to　his　chair：　he　spent　some　three　minutes　in　thrusting　out　his　tongue　at　me　as　far　as　he　could　without　damaging　the　roots：　I　knew　he　would　soon　strike；　and　while　dreading　the　blow；　I　mused　on　the　disgusting　and　ugly　appearance　of　him　who　would　presently　deal　it。　I　wonder　if　he　read　that　notion　in　my　face；　for；　all　at　once；　without　speaking；　he　struck　suddenly　and　strongly。　I　tottered；　and　on　regaining　my　equilibrium　retired　back　a　step　or　two　from　his　chair。
“That　is　for　your　impudence　in　answering　mama　awhile　since；”　said　he；　“and　for　your　sneaking　way　of　getting　behind　curtains；　and　for　the　look　you　had　in　your　eyes　two　minutes　since；　you　rat！”
Accustomed　to　John　Reed’s　abuse；　I　never　had　an　idea　of　replying　to　it；　my　care　was　how　to　endure　the　blow　which　would　certainly　follow　the　insult。
“What　were　you　doing　behind　the　curtain？”　he　asked。
“I　was　reading。”
“Show　the　book。”
I　returned　to　the　window　and　fetched　it　thence。
“You　have　no　business　to　take　our　books；　you　are　a　dependent；　mama　says；　you　have　no　money；　your　father　left　you　none；　you　ought　to　beg；　and　not　to　live　here　with　gentlemen’s　children　like　us；　and　eat　the　same　meals　we　do；　and　wear　clothes　at　our　mama’s　expense。　Now；　I’ll　teach　you　to　rummage　my　bookshelves：　for　they　are　mine；　all　the　house　belongs　to　me；　or　will　do　in　a　few　years。　Go　and　stand　by　the　door；　out　of　the　way　of　the　mirror　and　the　windows。”
I　did　so；　not　at　first　aware　what　was　his　intention；　but　when　I　saw　him　lift　and　poise　the　book　and　stand　in　act　to　hurl　it；　I　instinctively　started　aside　with　a　cry　of　alarm：　not　soon　enough；　however；　the　volume　was　flung；　it　hit　me；　and　I　fell；　striking　my　head　against　the　door　and　cutting　it。　The　cut　bled；　the　pain　was　sharp：　my　terror　had　passed　its　climax；　other　feelings　succeeded。
“Wicked　and　cruel　boy！”　I　said。　“You　are　like　a　murderer—you　are　like　a　slave…driver—you　are　like　the　Roman　emperors！”
I　had　read　Goldsmith’s　History　of　Rome；　and　had　formed　my　opinion　of　Nero；　Caligula；　&c。　Also　I　had　drawn　parallels　in　silence；　which　I　never　thought　thus　to　have　declared　aloud。
“What！　what！”　he　cried。　“Did　she　say　that　to　me？　Did　you　hear　her；　Eliza　and　Georgiana？　Won’t　I　tell　mama？　but　first—”
He　ran　headlong　at　me：　I　felt　him　grasp　my　hair　and　my　shoulder：　he　had　closed　with　a　desperate　thing。　I　really　saw　in　him　a　tyrant；　a　murderer。　I　felt　a　drop　or　two　of　blood　from　my　head　trickle　down　my　neck；　and　was　sensible　of　somewhat　pungent　suffering：　these　sensations　for　the　time　predominated　over　fear；　and　I　received　him　in　frantic　sort。　I　don’t　very　well　know　what　I　did　with　my　hands；　but　he　called　me　“Rat！　Rat！”　and　bellowed　out　aloud。　Aid　was　near　him：　Eliza　and　Georgiana　had　run　for　Mrs。　Reed；　who　was　gone　upstairs：　she　now　came　upon　the　scene；　followed　by　Bessie　and　her　maid　Abbot。　We　were　parted：　I　heard　the　words—
“Dear！　dear！　What　a　fury　to　fly　at　Master　John！”
“Did　ever　anybody　see　such　a　picture　of　passion！”
Then　Mrs。　Reed　subjoined—
“Take　her　away　to　the　red…room；　and　lock　her　in　there。”　Four　hands　were　immediately　laid　upon　me；　and　I　was　borne　upstairs。
Chapter　2
I　resisted　all　the　way：　a　new　thing　for　me；　and　a　circumstance　which　greatly　strengthened　the　bad　opinion　Bessie　and　Miss　Abbot　were　disposed　to　entertain　of　me。　The　fact　is；　I　was　a　trifle　beside　myself；　or　rather　out　of　myself；　as　the　French　would　say：　I　was　conscious　that　a　moment’s　mutiny　had　already　rendered　me　liable　to　strange　penalties；　and；　like　any　other　rebel　slave；　I　felt　resolved；　in　my　desperation；　to　go　all　lengths。
“Hold　her　arms；　Miss　Abbot：　she’s　like　a　mad　cat。”
“For　shame！　for　shame！”　cried　the　lady’s…maid。　“What　shocking　conduct；　Miss　Eyre；　to　strike　a　young　gentleman；　your　benefactress’s　son！　Your　young　master。”
“Master！　How　is　he　my　master？　Am　I　a　servant？”
“No；　you　are　less　than　a　servant；　for　you　do　nothing　for　your　keep。　There；　sit　down；　and　think　over　your　wickedness。”
They　had　got　me　by　this　time　into　the　apartment　indicated　by　Mrs。　Reed；　and　had　thrust　me　upon　a　stool：　my　impulse　was　to　rise　from　it　like　a　spring；　their　two　pair　of　hands　arrested　me　instantly。
“If　you　don’t　sit　still；　you　must　be　tied　down；”　said　Bessie。　“Miss　Abbot；　lend　me　your　garters；　she　would　break　mine　directly。”
Miss　Abbot　turned　to　divest　a　stout　leg　of　the　necessary　ligature。　This　preparation　for　bonds；　and　the　additional　ignominy　it　inferred；　took　a　little　of　the　excitement　out　of　me。
“Don’t　take　them　off；”　I　cried；　“I　will　not　stir。”
In　guarantee　whereof；　I　attached　myself　to　my　seat　by　my　hands。
“Mind　you　don’t；”　said　Bessie；　and　when　she　had　ascertained　that　I　was　really　subsiding；　she　loosened　her　hold　of　me；　then　she　and　Miss　Abbot　stood　with　folded　arms；　looking　darkly　and　doubtfully　on　my　face；　as　incredulous　of　my　sanity。
“She　never　did　so　before；”　at　last　said　Bessie；　turning　to　the　Abigail。
“But　it　was　always　in　her；”　was　the　reply。　“I’ve　told　Missis　often　my　opinion　about　the　child；　and　Missis　agreed　with　me。　She’s　an　underhand　little　thing：　I　never　saw　a　girl　of　her　age　with　so　much　cover。”
Bessie　answered　not；　but　ere　long；　addressing　me；　she　said—“You　ought　to　be　aware；　Miss；　that　you　are　under　obligations　to　Mrs。　Reed：　she　keeps　you：　if　she　were　to　turn　you　off；　you　would　have　to　go　to　the　poorhouse。”
I　had　nothing　to　say　to　these　words：　they　were　not　new　to　me：　my　very　first　recollections　of　existence　included　hints　of　the　same　kind。　This　reproach　of　my　dependence　had　bee　a　vague　sing…song　in　my　ear：　very　painful　and　crushing；　but　only　half　intelligible。　Miss　Abbot　joined　in—
“And　you　ought　not　to　think　yourself　on　an　equality　with　the　Misses　Reed　and　Master　Reed；　because　Missis　kindly　allows　you　to　be　brought　up　with　them。　They　will　have　a　great　deal　of　money；　and　you　will　have　none：　it　is　your　place　to　be　humble；　and　to　try　to　make　yourself　agreeable　to　them。”
“What　we　tell　you　is　for　your　good；”　added　Bessie；　in　no　harsh　voice；　“you　should　try　to　be　useful　and　pleasant；　then；　perhaps；　you　would　have　a　home　here；　but　if　you　bee　passionate　and　rude；　Missis　will　send　you　away；　I　am　sure。”
“Besides；”　said　Miss　Abbot；　“God　will　punish　her：　He　might　strike　her　dead　in　the　midst　of　her　tantrums；　and　then　where　would　she　go？　e；　Bessie；　we　will　leave　her：　I　wouldn’t　have　her　heart　for　anything。　Say　your　prayers；　Miss　Eyre；　when　you　are　by　yourself；　for　if　you　don’t　repent；　something　bad　might　be　permitted　to　e　down　the　chimney　and　fetch　you　away。”
They　went；　shutting　the　door；　and　locking　it　behind　them。
The　red…room　ber；　very　seldom　slept　in；　I　might　say　never；　indeed；　unless　when　a　chance　influx　of　visitors　at　Gateshead　Hall　rendered　it　necessary　to　turn　to　account　all　the　acmodation　it　contained：　yet　it　was　one　of　the　largest　and　stateliest　chambers　in　the　mansion。　A　bed　supported　on　massive　pillars　of　mahogany；　hung　with　curtains　of　deep　red　damask；　stood　out　like　a　tabernacle　in　the　centre；　the　two　large　windows；　with　their　blinds　always　drawn　down；　were　half　shrouded　in　festoons　and　falls　of　similar　drapery；　the　carpet　was　red；　the　table　at　the　foot　of　the　bed　was　covered　with　a　crimson　cloth；　the　walls　were　a　soft　fawn　colour　with　a　blush　of　pink　in　it；　the　wardrobe；　the　toilet…table；　the　chairs　were　of　darkly　polished　old　mahogany。　Out　of　these　deep　surrounding　shades　rose　high；　and　glared　white；　the　piled…up　mattresses　and　pillows　of　the　bed；　spread　with　a　snowy　Marseilles　counterpane。　Scarcely　less　prominent　was　an　ample　cushioned　easy…chair　near　the　head　of　the　bed；　also　white；　with　a　footstool　before　it；　and　looking；　as　I　thought；　like　a　pale　throne。
This　room　was　chill；　because　it　seldom　had　a　fire；　it　was　silent；　because　remote　from　the　nursery　and　kitchen；　solemn；　because　it　was　known　to　be　so　seldom　entered。　The　house…maid　alone　came　here　on　Saturdays；　to　wipe　from　the　mirrors　and　the　furniture　a　rs。　Reed　herself；　at　far　intervals；　visited　it　to　review　the　contents　of　a　certain　secret　drawer　in　the　wardrobe；　where　were　stored　divers　parchments；　her　jewel…casket；　and　a　miniature　of　her　deceased　husband；　and　in　those　last　words　lies　the　secret　of　the　red…room—the　spell　which　kept　it　so　lonely　in　spite　of　its　grandeur。
Mr。　Reed　had　been　dead　nine　years：　it　was　in　this　chamber　he　breathed　his　last；　here　he　lay　in　state；　hence　his　coffin　was　borne　by　the　undertaker’s　men；　and；　since　that　day；　a　sense　of　dreary　consecration　had　guarded　it　from　frequent　intrusion。
My　seat；　to　which　Bessie　and　the　bitter　Miss　Abbot　had　left　me　riveted；　was　a　low　ottoman　near　the　marble　chimney…piece；　the　bed　rose　before　me；　to　my　right　hand　there　was　the　high；　dark　wardrobe；　with　subdued；　broken　reflections　varying　the　gloss　of　its　panels；　to　my　left　were　the　muffled　windows；　a　great　looking…glass　between　them　repeated　the　vacant　majesty　of　the　bed　and　room。　I　was　not　quite　sure　whether　they　had　locked　the　door；　and　when　I　dared　move；　I　got　up　and　went　to　see。　Alas！　yes：　no　jail　was　ever　more　secure。　Returning；　I　had　to　cross　before　the　looking…glass；　my　fascinated　glance　involuntarily　explored　the　depth　it　revealed。　All　looked　colder　and　darker　in　that　visionary　hollow　than　in　reality：　and　the　strange　little　figure　there　gazing　at　me；　with　a　white　face　and　arms　specking　the　gloom；　and　glittering　eyes　of　fear　moving　where　all　else　was　still；　had　the　effect　of　a　real　spirit：　I　thought　it　like　one　of　the　tiny　phantoms；　half　fairy；　half　imp；　Bessie’s　evening　stories　represented　as　ing　out　of　lone；　ferny　dells　in　moors；　and　appearing　before　the　eyes　of　belated　travellers。　I　returned　to　my　stool。
Superstition　was　with　me　at　that　moment；　but　it　was　not　yet　her　hour　for　plete　victory：　my　blood　was　still　warm；　the　mood　of　the　revolted　slave　was　still　bracing　me　with　its　bitter　vigour；　I　had　to　stem　a　rapid　rush　of　retrospective　thought　before　I　quailed　to　the　dismal　present。
All　John　Reed’s　violent　tyrannies；　all　his　sisters’　proud　indifference；　all　his　mother’s　aversion；　all　the　servants’　partiality；　turned　up　in　my　disturbed　mind　like　a　dark　deposit　in　a　turbid　well。　Why　was　I　always　suffering；　always　browbeaten；　always　accused；　for　ever　condemned？　Why　could　I　never　please？　Why　was　it　useless　to　try　to　win　any　one’s　favour？　Eliza；　who　was　headstrong　and　selfish；　was　respected。　Georgiana；　who　had　a　spoiled　temper；　a　very　acrid　spite；　a　captious　and　insolent　carriage；　was　universally　indulged。　Her　beauty；　her　pink　cheeks　and　golden　curls；　seemed　to　give　delight　to　all　who　looked　at　her；　and　to　purchase　indemnity　for　every　fault。　John　no　one　thwarted；　much　less　punished；　though　he　twisted　the　necks　of　the　pigeons；　killed　the　little　pea…chicks；　set　the　dogs　at　the　sheep；　stripped　the　hothouse　vines　of　their　fruit；　and　broke　the　buds　off　the　choicest　plants　in　the　conservatory：　he　called　his　mother　“old　girl；”　too；　sometimes　reviled　her　for　her　dark　skin；　similar　to　his　own；　bluntly　disregarded　her　wishes；　not　unfrequently　tore　and　spoiled　her　silk　attire；　and　he　was　still　“her　own　darling。”　I　dared　mit　no　fault：　I　strove　to　fulfil　every　duty；　and　I　was　termed　naughty　and　tiresome；　sullen　and　sneaking；　from　morning　to　noon；　and　from　noon　to　night。
My　head　still　ached　and　bled　with　the　blow　and　fall　I　had　received：　no　one　had　reproved　John　for　wantonly　striking　me；　and　because　I　had　turned　against　him　to　avert　farther　irrational　violence；　I　was　loaded　with　general　opprobrium。
“